Feed Me, If You Dare

After months of painstaking scientific research and countless hours in front of the mirror, I have finally perfected the "Yes I'm ready for that spoonful of food, but really I harbor hidden, darker intentions of spiting it in your face immediately afterwards" look. Patent pending.

An Evening With An Old Chum

My old comrade in arms Ben (along with his supervisors Skye and Steve) paid me a visit. I couldn't help but show off my newly built armada with a sail to the mystic Isle of Bainbridge, upon my flagship "The Sea Monkey."

Many laughs were had upon the high seas.

And a few bawdy mariner songs as well! Chip chip, cheerio good mate!

Well Someone Had to Chaperon

And it was a good thing too - they kept trying to sneak off in the woods whenever my royal mounted carriage turned away.  Kids these days.

One Day, All This Shall Be Mine!

Ho Ho, a fine jest I know. It already is mine, and something will have to be done about that pointy building the Red Buffoon seems to be trying to stick me upon.

As always, doing my part to make this city look deliriously good.

A well-earned vacation

 As you can see, I spent my post-Tibetan retreat lounging by the pool in sunny Palm Springs (because even a Monkey needs to catch a few rays from time-to-time).

 The Red Buffoon forced me into the chilly blue waters of the swimming pool, where to no one's surprise I excelled at aquatic sports - particularly the backstroke.

 And of course I forced him to be my mount for a rousing match of water polo.

 Ah, a fair maiden accosted me at poolside! The lovely Gigi and I became fast friends...

Oh behave my dreamy damsel. They say that to kiss the Mongolian Monkey is to experience the sweetness of the honey comb, the the subtleness of the hummingbird's sneeze, and the electricity of the lightning bolt, all in one. You were warned!

Alas, they never stop flocking to my handsome side.

Rejoice - I have returned

Greetings, the long-awaited return of I, your favorite Mongolian primate is here. My six week silent retreat in the mountains of Eastern Tibet were filled with enlightenment, inner-growth, and deliciously spiced goat meat. And now I return to you, a wiser monkey, ready to fulfill the prophecies that were foretold of my world dominance and staggering good looks...

Fear Me Beasts Of The Wild!!!

My first big game hunt was a smashing success. I snared this unsuspecting giraffe in a basket I wove from dried banana leaves whilst gathered round a fire, listening to the creation stories of the Hunka-Pupu Bush Tribe people (in their native language). Giraffe jerky for all!

One Day, They Shall Pay (part 2)

Tis I, the Mongolian Snow Monkey! As you can see, Mother and the Buffoon stuffed me into some sort of eskimo suit and then risked my very life by forcing me to slide around on a strange plastic contraption. Their shame knows no bounds!
Seriously friends, why has no one called Child Protective Services yet?

My Cousins and I Appear to be Growing

Grubby in September.

Cleaned up for Christmas.

Hangin'

Just chillin' yo.

From Monkey Burrito to Monkey, um Enchilada?

To show my expressive side, I have taken a series of self portraits that live under the working title "Monkey In  Dreamland Wrapped Up Like Delicious Mexican Foods."

Mini Burrito Monkey

Medium Burrito Monkey

Statue of Liberty Burrito Monkey

Touchdown Burrito Monkey

Disco Enchilada Monkey with lettuce

The Whole Enchilada Monkey

One Day They Shall Pay

Mother and the Red Buffoon marched me out to the woods again today and forced me to pose with them for an endless session of gorgeous photography. I nearly missed my daily episode of As The World Turns.

Smile while you can my red headed friend...

Yes Buffoon, this seems like a grand idea. I thought there were government agencies that stop this kind of thing? 

Well at least this is a new view of things.

Ah, saved! What a tasty nose you have sweet Mother. 

10 minutes to As The World Turns, make haste!

Ode to Nana

Oh how I miss the month of October,
When awesome Nana kept me sober.
Hmmm, on second thought, I'll steer clear of the odes - at least until I can find a better rhyme for October. But cut me some slack, I'm only 6 months old you know? I digress - Nana treated me to the best October of all time. We hung out each and every day, like when she took Natalie and I to the zoo!

As you can see, we were quite the compatible duo. Thanks for hanging out with me Nana! (I know Mother and the Red Buffoon great appreciated it as well!)

Luke, I Am Your Monkey

Uncle Bill and Aunt Tana presented me with a rare set of rubber Star Wars figures - no doubt handcrafted by George Lucas himself. Mother decided it would be fun to say "thanks" by hiding a character in various pictures. Click on each picture to make them bigger and see if you can look past my raw beauty to find the hidden friends from a galaxy far, far away!

Boba Fett

C3PO

Chewbacca (look reallll hard)

Darth Vader

R2D2

Storm Trooper

Yoda

The Red Buffoon turns 30

The Red Buffoon added another decade to his belt, and forced us all to march into the woods again in honor of the occasion. Luckily, I provided protection from bears, coyotes and yetis, yet again.

I will hang here, but I will not be happy about it.

At least some of my favorite people came to join in my suffering. (Cousin Natalie and I were forced to collect firewood and catch fresh trout while the adults lazed about on pine needles. Someone call CPS.)

Plotting my escape...

Hurrah! My old chum Ben came to provide me with some juggling entertainment. He's quite the master.

Six babes. Ohhhh I'm just awful, I know!

Steve and Skye honored the Buffoon with a homemade pineapple upside down cake - made at the campsite. My little Mongolian mind was blown - though no one offered me a piece. I shall have my revenge...

Candles? Really? Oh toughen up you city slickers. 

Aqua de Drool

Bottled at the natural source, Aqua de Drool is the very finest in Mongolian Monkey spittle. A delightfully slimy, yet crystalline substance, Aqua de Drool is a sure fire way to let the world know you mean business. Going now for $3000/ounce. 

Greetings

Truly, I am overjoyed to see you. Now carry on.

Braving the wilds of Eastern Washington

A few weeks back Mother and the Red Buffoon drug me off to the remote and uninhabited land of Eastern Washington. A veritable wasteland - I was forced to enjoy this cove view for three whole days.  

Only one measly waterfall on the property?! I'd prefer to be back in my gym, pumping my Mongolian muscles.

Charming, ladies. Really quite lovely. (Auntie Jill alongside Mother)

I was cruelly forced into a fitful slumber by the smooth rockings of this dangerous-looking net contraption. 

At least I made a new friend - Huntley! Together we suffered as our mothers forced us to dodge rattlesnakes and packs of coyotes.